Ever feel like you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or is it the right place at the wrong time?
We’ve seen our fair share of stressful or big events over the last 12 months. It started with the birth of our very beautiful second daughter. It took some time for my SPD to heal. (SPD is when the pubic bone separates further than it should in pregnancy causing intense pain) which in turn brought my first experience of post natal depression. I managed to care for my 2 girls with help, but all the while struggling to keep my temper in check. I couldn’t help wondering if I would feel like that if I were in England, with my support system and that’s how I’m still feeling today.
My Mum is recovering from surgery and I know that I should be there. I should be helping with cooking and laundry. I should be fluffing her pillows and holding her hand through the pain! In addition to that my eldest child has the flu and I had no one to leave my baby with today so I had to drag her to the docs with me and the vomiting Dolly day dream. I just know, had I been in England there would have been an endless supply of people to help out!
My maternity leave is shortly coming to an end. I have mixed feelings about it. I love my girls and feel truly blessed to have them, on the other hand, motherhood does not come easy to me. I go to bed every night knowing I have given it 100% but can’t help feeling like I’m failing when I hear the other mothers who are doing crafts everyday and have their kids enrolled for every program going. Some days I don’t even get to the washing up or laundry!
I really enjoy my job, I like to succeed. Is it wrong of me to want both? To be a success as a mother and in a career? Deep down I’m looking forward to going back to work, but in the back of my mind I’m worried about my baby.. No one knows her like I do. Will she be ok? All I get in response is the first one was fine!
So you see I’m at a cross roads, I feel like one foot is in England and one is in Canada and one arm is wanting to be a stay at home Mum while the other wants to be a CEO. How do i decide what to do? Can i get a job covering 2 continents? The question is can I have my cake and eat it?