Having been struck down by the flu it took all my energy to throw on some clothes and drag my tired arse down the stairs to wait for a guy to come with some papers that I needed to sign. Hubby who spent last weekend in Emerg had started to recover from his bout and had valiantly gone on child collection duty. Not any random kids of course, they are our own! I waited on the sofa, pizza on the way and then i heard some strange muffled noise outside. Nothing could have prepared me for the scene. I opened the door to see the pizza man winding his way up the path, while teeny weeny, who was being carried by Daddy like a football, was inviting said pizza man to tickle her! Slightly in front of them I spotted Dolly day dream who was purple and hysterical, completely gripped around a strangers leg! When I lunged out to try to grab her she clung on so tight I had to physically remove her hands from his crotch! Seriously! I couldn’t fathom what the hell was going on when the guy introduced himself as the man with the papers!
He came in and settled himself at the kitchen table while Dolly continued to increase in shades of violet and give her lungs a full work out. The pizza man was wondering if he was ever going to get paid and teeny weeny decided to turn her focus to the man in the kitchen and tell him he was sat where she needed to eat her chicken! He must have thought he had come to a zoo! Hubby managed to pay the pizza man, I managed to de-robe the girls of their outerwear and multi tasked my way to the kitchen where I produced the required 5signatures. I did a swap with hubby and within 20 mins managed to get the tots fed and watered. As the man with the papers and pizza dude had gone I managed a couple of sentences with hubby about the debacle outside. Apparently I was lucky I didn’t see it two minutes before.. Dolly had fallen asleep in the car and hubby tried to bring her to the door and dash back to the car for teeny! When he brought dolly to the door half asleep she started to sob, disoriented and man with papers appeared. She clung to a mistaken.. Daddy and in desperation grabbed him by the scrotum! Hubby didn’t know where to look as man with papers tried to remove the hysterical 4 year old from his parts! Although I am genuinely sorry for the man and more than a little embarrassed, they do say laughter is the best medicine and between the shame I did manage a little chuckle on my way back to bed!


About yorkshiremummy

Born and Raised in Yorkshire, Now at Large in North America. Working Wife and Mum of 2. Occasionally sarcastic, Often inappropriate, but always real! Having snorkeled with sharks in the Maldives, ridden an Elephant in Sri Lanka, swum in an underground river in Mexico and played with Lion cubs in South Africa, currently enjoying the crazy adventure of motherhood!
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One Response to Hysteria

  1. markukleaf says:

    I think I almost pee’d myself with laughter!

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